I don't want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don't want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought etc

A reprisal of my Halloween Rant of 2008. because the same little shit showed up at my house this year.

(By the way, this piece was featured in another zine this summer by the lovely zinester Clementine Cannibal, a well-known zine maker from Canada who produces "Licking Stars Off Ceilings".

This piece (along with two others I'd written) was part of the all-female rant-zine"I Knew a Motherf*cker Like You and She Said...". This was so much fun to be a part of, and it gave me, and lots of other fe… Continue

THE DEPARTMENT OF LISTS PRESENTS: SHIT CINCINNATI NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OVER

Food Shit
• Frisch’s. Shitty sandwiches. Who the fuck puts tartar sauce on a burger?
• Graeter’s Black Raspberry Chip. Good, but not orgasm-inducing good, like everyone says.
• Goetta. Oatmeal and sausage mixed together and fried? Just fucking gross.
• Applebee’s. It’s the Wal-Mart of casual dining. You’re not at a bistro; you’re at a glorified Arby’s.
• Yellow Tail Wine. This is as about as wine-like as a Zima.

Fashi… Continue

—–Original Message—–
From: tchan76@gmail.com
Sent: Tuesday, October 6, 2009 8:02 AM
To: hiahzine@gmail.com
Subject: Please contact me at once if you\’re interested by replying the
Attention: Amber Waves


My name is Barr. Tee K. Chan a legal practitioner with Andrew Lee & Partners kuala lumpur Malaysia. I have taken pains to find your contact through personal endeavors because a late client Mr. Martin Waves, who bears the same last name {SURNAME} with you has left monies totaling a little ov… Continue

Occasionally, I like to peruse recipe database websites. I don’t know why really, because in reality I don’t do much of the household cooking. Usually my recipe-porn viewing consists of checking out various pork recipes, printing them, stuffing the pages into my oversized bag, and then throwing them out five months later, when I’m finally resigned to admitting I’ll never concoct whatever delicious and nutritious meal promises to make my family shout “DEE-LISH!” from the rooftops of our humble su… Continue